Edg.ist

Somewhere along the way, I started building software I don’t understand, and will never use. This is about finding my way back to simplicity, craft, and the reasons I started building in the first place.

After years of addiction and recovery, an operation revealed something I’d been searching for my whole life. The quiet beneath the noise. How I Mistook Silence for the Drug is a meditation on stillness, survival, and the alignment that follows chaos.

I left the UK in a motorhome with my wife, unsure what I was moving toward—but certain I could no longer stay. This third part explores what consciousness reveals when you stop pretending: that reinvention isn’t betrayal, and the future doesn’t happen to you—it wakes up through you.

Some places open you. Others close you. A rare few hum at a frequency that collapses into sudden clarity.

I didn’t need a theory to feel it. I felt it in my breath. In the way my shoulders dropped in the silence that arrived when the inner static cleared. It was like being remembered by the land.

Who is it that’s aware I’m thinking? That question didn’t arrive in stillness. It came from suffering—the quiet kind that hums beneath the surface. I wasn’t searching for a breakthrough, just trying to breathe through the ache. But then something subtle, seismic, shifted.